remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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