I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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