careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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