ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
