1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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