i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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