i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize