I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
