I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
