Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
