On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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