my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
