I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
