Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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