epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
