dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
