I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
