i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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