I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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