Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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