My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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