my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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