ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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