found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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