I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
