I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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