I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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