mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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