I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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