The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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