if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
