so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
