How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
