So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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