when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
