K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
