There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
