Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need water and some morals
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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