me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
