remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
