Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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