Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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