I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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