when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
accomplished twins. life is a go
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
