i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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