you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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