dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
