I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
