i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
