omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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