Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
