she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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