she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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