So drunk its hurt
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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