oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize