Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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