Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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