I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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