Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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