I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
